maehemsez

tacoboutthatbutt: “To all those who don’t think the rape joke was a problem, or rape jokes are a...

Fri, 03 May 2013 15:09:04 -0400

“To all those who don’t think the rape joke was a problem, or rape jokes are a problem. I get it, you’re a decent guy. I can even believe it. You’ve never raped anybody. You would NEVER rape anybody. You’re upset that all these feminists are trying to accuse you of doing something or connect you to doing something that, as far as you’re concerned, you’ve never done and would never condone. And they’ve told you about triggers, and PTSD, and how one in six women is a survivor, and you get it. You do. But you can’t let every time someone gets all upset get in the way of you having a good time, right? So fine. If all those arguments aren’t going anything for you, let me tell you this. And I tell you this because I genuinely believe you mean it when you say you don’t want to hurt anybody, and you don’t see the harm, and that it’s important to you to do your best to be a decent and good person. And I genuinely believe you when you say you would never associate with a rapist and you think rape really is a very bad thing. Because this is why I refuse to take rape jokes sitting down- 6% of college age men, slightly over 1 in 20, will admit to raping someone in anonymous surveys, as long as the word “rape” isn’t used in the description of the act. 6% of Penny Arcade’s target demographic will admit to actually being rapists when asked. A lot of people accuse feminists of thinking that all men are rapists. That’s not true. But do you know who think all men are rapists? Rapists do. They really do. In psychological study, the profiling, the studies, it comes out again and again. Virtually all rapists genuinely believe that all men rape, and other men just keep it hushed up better. And more, these people who really are rapists are constantly reaffirmed in their belief about the rest of mankind being rapists like them by things like rape jokes, that dismiss and normalize the idea of rape. If one in twenty guys is a real and true rapist, and you have any amount of social activity with other guys like yourself, really cool guy, then it is almost a statistical certainty that one time hanging out with friends and their friends, playing Halo with a bunch of guys online, in a WoW guild, or elsewhere, you were talking to a rapist. Not your fault. You can’t tell a rapist apart any better than anyone else can. It’s not like they announce themselves. But, here’s the thing. It’s very likely that in some of these interactions with these guys, at some point or another someone told a rape joke. You, decent guy that you are, understood that they didn’t mean it, and it was just a joke. And so you laughed. And, decent guy who would never condone rape, who would step in and stop rape if he saw it, who understands that rape is awful and wrong and bad, when you laughed? That rapist who was in the group with you, that rapist thought that you were on his side. That rapist knew that you were a rapist like him. And he felt validated, and he felt he was among his comrades. You. The rapist’s comrade. And if that doesn’t make you feel sick to your stomach, if that doesn’t make you want to throw up, if that doesn’t disturb you or bother you or make you feel like maybe you should at least consider not participating in that kind of humor anymore… Well, maybe you aren’t as opposed to rapists as you claim.”

—

Time-Machine (via a comment at shakesville.com)

Single greatest argument about this I have ever heard.

(via justintheallan)

There was this piece I read a year or so ago that I’ve been trying to find that talked about bystanders and empowerment and how when guys do that macho-asshole-posturing thing and tell a rape joke, or talk about how fucked up the woman they had sex with last weekend was, and everyone laughs (nervously or otherwise), and no one says, “Woah, dude…” the behavior is implicitly validated, and there’s no check for it.

Like a toddler testing boundaries of acceptability, we all float these things out in conversation to see how people react. And if no one checks these guys, the questionable behavior that maybe the guy knew was wrong but wanted to see what his friends said, stops seeming extreme and becomes normalized.

I remember seeing this BS in high school - sitting with a group of friends at lunch on the lawn and the guys making rude comments about the bodies of women as they walked by - they were surrounded by their female friends, which didn’t stop them from commenting on the relative “hotness” of other women - and me constantly telling them to stop acting like assholes. It’s everywhere and the more we (the collective, societal we) talk about it, everyday while we’re watching tv, the more it drops into consciousness.

Someone has to say something. Every time.

I also want to say that this doesn’t just go for men. Women are perpetrators of rape culture too. Using gendered slurs to denigrate other women, participating in body shaming, bystander silence because women are raised to believe that we require male validation and approval to be okay, etc. are all, IMO, on the rape culture spectrum. Kyriarchy (née patriarchy) affects and hurts everyone.

This one is for Hillcrest Clinic in VA. 40 years of abortion...

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 17:20:00 -0400

This one is for Hillcrest Clinic in VA. 40 years of abortion services end tomorrow. “Thank you for your decades of dedication to providing safe abortion access in Virginia. I will continue to fight for protected access in your honor. Always fighting, Maehemsez” You should send one too. 1600 Little Creek Dr. #235, Norfolk VA 23518 #iwriteletters

An Open Letter to the Democratic Party of Virginia

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 12:00:24 -0400

flowerpotrhinos:

Dear Charniele Herring and the Democratic Party of Virginia,

Before I begin, I want to say that this letter comes out of over two year’s worth of frustration and disappointment. You see, I used to be an intern at the DPVA. I enjoyed my time there, the people, and the experience. I am grateful and I learned a lot about the inner-workings of state-level politics. I held my tongue out of respect for those who gave me that opportunity, but now I cannot be willfully silent any longer.

I saw your interview on Rachel Maddow the other night, and something really struck me as being off. You mentioned that TRAP showed us just how important voting for McAuliffe will be in November. But where was the DPVA during the TRAP hearings? Why was there no DPVA assistance, promotion, or outcries against Cuccinelli’s politicizing of the Board of Health? How come NO Democrat lawmakers showed up to the Board of Health? Two Republican Senators were there advocating for the adoption of these policies. Was it too early in the morning?

How dare you force local activists to put 100% of the effort into fighting these regulations, only to use our efforts and ultimate defeat as a platform to promote the Democratic Party. How do you expect us to vote Democratic in November when we’ve seen no REAL attempts to fight for women’s rights?

On April 12, 2013, the Board of Health (now stacked with political allies of gubernatorial candidate Ken Cuccinelli) voted on regulations they knew would shut down at least 17 of the 22 abortion clinics in the Commonwealth of Virginia. According to polls, 58% of Virginians opposed TRAP regulations. The ONLY contribution that the members of the DPVA provided to help us was a joint letter from Senators informing the Board of Health that the Attorney General’s opinion on grandfathering was wrong.

This is not the first time you and the DPVA have done this. I’ve seen your and your colleagues’ interviews on the local and national news countless times after demonstrations that WE engineered. During the 2012 General Assembly, my friends and I marched 1000+ people into the Capital TWICE in protest of anti-abortion bills. Again, you all were the ones on TV speaking over b-roll footage of our efforts- efforts the Democratic Party did NOTHING to assist, promote, or even encourage until after they proved beneficial. We asked for your help. We wanted your participation. Instead, we were met with what amounted to “Good luck, we’re rooting for you!”

Virginia has been completely overrun with Republican conservatives sending us back decades on voting rights, minority equality, environmental protection, prison reform, and of course women’s reproductive rights. You blame your lack of seats as reasons for why you’re so powerless to stop these bills. I blame your lack of spine, conviction, and willingness to fight for a cause through to the last minute.

It’s time to take the white gloves off and loosen your neckties. It’s time to stop playing trivial political games on Twitter and Facebook to please your donors. You’re going to lose this election, and you’ll lose it because no one counts on someone who does nothing, despite their good intentions.

I vote. My friends vote. We just don’t know who for anymore.

Signed,

William Carino
Local activist and organizer
Co-operator of Active-RVA

Cosigned with enthusiasm.

It’s a Nellie McKay kind of day! Nellie McKay Sings...

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 15:12:45 -0400

It’s a Nellie McKay kind of day!

Nellie McKay Sings about Feminism at Cooper Union Nader Open Debate Rally October 15, 2008 (by Joe Friendly)

"As we think about reproductive freedoms this week, we must consider all their permutations, and the..."

Wed, 27 Mar 2013 13:51:20 -0400

“As we think about reproductive freedoms this week, we must consider all their permutations, and the importance of a world in which the right to parent is protected just as fiercely as the right not to parent, or to choose to wait to become a parent. Disabled people need the full force and support of the reproductive rights movement, and so do their children”

- Written by s.e. smith

Disability and Reproductive Justice | Reproductive Freedom Week 2013

The risk of death associated with abortion increases with the length of pregnancy, from one death...

Mon, 25 Mar 2013 11:33:12 -0400

The risk of death associated with abortion increases with the length of pregnancy, from one death for every one million abortions at or before eight weeks to one per 29,000 at 16-20 weeks - and one per 11,000 at 21 or more weeks.

This is so, SO important to understand and educate people about. Because passing restrictions on abortion - making it harder to get an abortion - means that more abortions will be performed later in a pregnancy when the risk of death increases.

Making it harder to get a 1st trimester abortion, one of the safest medical procedures out there, makes abortion more dangerous.

(Above stat is from Guttmacher.)

4 Famous Black Feminists You Never Learned About in School

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 14:06:21 -0400

4 Famous Black Feminists You Never Learned About in School:

Learn about things you’ve never learned about before. It’s good for you.

I LOVE that this book exists, but “girls?”...

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 11:43:53 -0400

I LOVE that this book exists, but “girls?” “Women wouldn’t fit on the cover?

BIAS: It's not just a catch word.

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 11:28:05 -0400

There’s this talk being held today, “Must women lead differently than men?” and I wanna talk a little about how this title frames the discussion and enforces status quo.

This title establishes “male” styles of leadership (I use the quotes because I don’t believe there is an innate “male” way of leading. I think anything we ascribe to “male leadership” is probably largely influenced by heavy gender construction throughout a person’s life. We teach boys and girls to behave differently through social conditioning and perpetuating gender essentialism. Back to the topic at hand!) as the standard against which leadership is measured. Is that correct? Is it appropriate? Is “male leadership” the bar we should all reach for? According to this title, yes.

What if we reframe the title and ask, “Must men lead differently than women?” Here the standard is led by women, and frames “women’s leadership” styles as the norm. I don’t think we’ll ever see anything other than things related to child rearing framed with women’s action as the standard.

This is bias. This is how we teach people that feminine is bad and masculine is good. This title doesn’t use the words, “Women are bad leaders,” but it certainly plants a seed of doubt. Because the title accepts that how men do something is what we consider normal. So if the norm is how men do it, however a woman does it must be wrong. People read this and, without even thinking about it, understand that men must be better leaders. And then figure this is why there aren’t many female presidents of financially powerful companies. And then offer up the “men are just more suited to positions of power than women” because —> leadership styles.

Bias y’all, it’s a real thing.

thenewwomensmovement: “We [white people] need to accept that when a person of color tells us we’ve...

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 10:46:37 -0400

thenewwomensmovement:

“We [white people] need to accept that when a person of color tells us we’ve fucked up, the answer is not to get defensive. When we get that instinct to say “geez, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way at all,” it’s time to stop right now. It doesn’t matter how you meant it. It really doesn’t. Someone doesn’t have to have racism in their heart to do something racist. And doing something racist doesn’t make you an evil person who can never do good again, should never be an activist, should run off and hide in a hole somewhere. It means you did something hurtful, you made a big mistake, and you need to own that mistake. You need to say “I’m sorry.” Full stop. I’m sorry. And if the person who called you out is generous enough to take time to explain what you did wrong, you need to have a seat and listen.”

—

Avory Faucette (via woozypumpkins)

i.e. how to deal with being called out

(via grrrl-gear)

You fuck up, you own it, you apologize, and you learn how to not do it again. Life lesson. Write it down.

"I think feminism should be a verb — something that we do, not something that we are."

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 10:40:11 -0400

“I think feminism should be a verb — something that we do, not something that we are.”

- Kathleen Hanna speaks truth.

Punk rock feminist Kathleen Hanna reflects on her career - Columbia Missourian

OH LOOK, MORE BULLSHIT FROM A FAKE MEDICAL CLINIC. This is what...

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 10:24:00 -0400

OH LOOK, MORE BULLSHIT FROM A FAKE MEDICAL CLINIC.

This is what I Learned at a Virginia Crisis Pregnancy Center (by NARALProChoiceVA)

THIS is how fake medical centers (CPCs) operate. Lies and...

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 10:22:00 -0400

THIS is how fake medical centers (CPCs) operate. Lies and deception. Such bullshit.

“We want to appear neutral.” She is TRAINING people to lie. Fuck that.

Deception at Crisis Pregnancy Centers (by CrisisProjectFilms)

Choices, Choices

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 10:02:59 -0400

wordthug:

I was all but threatened about a so-called storm brewing from my liberal friends in TN. All five of them. Which is to say they would yell at me passive-aggressively.

The storm they referred to is in regards to Choices Resource Center, the selected non-profit in the LaLonde/Campfield Debate.

Here’s my explanation as to why this is the non-profit by answering your questions.

Why support a pro-life charity? Are you Pro-Life?
I believe in a woman’s right to choose. I’ve marched, held picket-signs, I’ve offered a shoulder to cry on for friends who’ve had to make that tough decision. I’ve also been to feminist rallies from Seattle to Miami. Hell, I even once received a Brazilian wax as part of a radio bit. Respect, ladies!

To answer your question. Campfield & I had to meet in the middle on many issues. This is called being practical. He suggested TN Right to Life, I declined. So instead we landed on Choices whom offer many of the same things as Planned Parenthood whom I fully support. Choices offers parental planning, counseling, STD testing, adoption resources, post-abortion counseling, etc. I was told they even have been known to house women in domestic violence cases, which I think is quite nice of them.

They’re a registered 501c3 by all US standards.

While I disagree with them on their stance on abortion, I can get behind the positive things they do. It’s not ALL black & white, kids. Also, you know who else is Pro-life? Like EVERYONE in Tennessee. So most of your neighbors, and you have the nerve to live by them!?!? You even sleep with in 200 ft of where they conceive all 20 of their children - shame on you.

Pro-life or Pro-choice, no one is Pro-Abortion. Well… at least that I know of. My point is, no one is throwing abortion parties with confetti, cake & party favors. So calm down.

Were you duped or something?
No, you big dummy. Why are you yelling at me? Wait, have we dated?

Is this a publicity stunt?
Yes! It’s all a trick. I’m conservative sleeper-cell, fooling the world with my Limbaugh agenda. Ninja-style.

A really bad rapper once said, “Stop, collaborate & listen…” Great advice. Do that. We’ve come this far. If you don’t want to donate, fine. Then show up! Let your presence be your currency.

Sit back and enjoy. This has never been done before like this. Together we can make history.

Can we hug it out and get back on track? For Christ’s sakes people we raised nearly $1000 in 6 hours.

XO!

J.

1.) Crisis pregnancy centers are most certainly NOT “middle ground.” They do not seek to provide any kind of accurate, unbiased counseling options to people who are pregnant.

2.) They use deceptive practices, intentionally, to further their anti-abortion access agenda.

3.) Did I mention they are intentionally deceptive?

4.) There are lots of people who are pro-abortion. I’ll bet you even know some. Even though you think you don’t.

5.) I don’t actually think you can say, “I believe in a woman’s right to choose” and then agree to an event which will funnel money to a deceptive fake medical clinic. You’re not being pro-choice if you are RAISING MONEY for an organization that is anti-choice.

I love that when my 3.5yo wants to be tickled he says, “Tickle me mama! But when I say...

Tue, 19 Mar 2013 11:00:55 -0400

I love that when my 3.5yo wants to be tickled he says, “Tickle me mama! But when I say “purple” you stop.” And that’s how we play. He picks the word that we’ll use for “stop” and when he says it, I stop. And when he tickles me and I say it, he stops. He asks me to touch him, “Tickle me!” and I respect it when he asks me to stop, “Purple!”

This is how I’m working to stop rape culture.

"I believe that a locker room left to its own devices will drift toward becoming a breeding ground..."

Tue, 19 Mar 2013 10:53:00 -0400

“I believe that a locker room left to its own devices will drift toward becoming a breeding ground for rape culture. You don’t need a Coach Reno or a Bob Knight to make that happen. You just need good people to say or do nothing. As such, a coach or a player willing to stand up, risk ridicule and actually teach young men not to rape, can make all the difference in the world. We need interventionist, transformative coaches in men’s sports that talk openly about these issues. We need an economic setup in amateur sports that does away with their gutter economy. But most of all, we need people who recognize the existence of rape culture, both on and off teams, to no longer be silent.”

- Dave Zirin so neatly sums up my thoughts on men’s sports.

The Verdict: Steubenville Shows the Bond Between Jock Culture and Rape Culture | The Nation

"What people don’t understand is when we say “Teach men not to rape,” we’re not talking about telling..."

Fri, 15 Mar 2013 17:05:31 -0400

“What people don’t understand is when we say “Teach men not to rape,” we’re not talking about telling them not to jump out of the bushes in a ski mask and grab the nearest female. We’re talking about the way we teach boys that masculinity is measured by power over others, and that they aren’t men unless they “get some.” We’re talking about teaching men (and women) that it’s not okay to laugh at jokes about rape and abuse. We’re talking about telling men that a lack of “No” doesn’t mean “Yes,” that if a woman is too drunk to consent they shouldn’t touch her, that dating someone - or even being married to someone - does not mean automatic consent. We’re talking about teaching boys to pay attention to the girl they’re with, and if she looks uncomfortable to stop and ask if she’s okay, because sometimes girls don’t know how to say stop in a situation like that. We’re talking about how women have the right to change their mind. Even if she’s been saying yes all night, if she says no, that’s it. It’s over. That’s what we mean when we say “Teach men not to rape.””

- Kalitena on Facebook (via cosmicgirlfriend)
Sometimes I’m like WHAT ARE THERE PEOPLE WHO DON’T KNOW THIS YET but really. Read this. No one should not know this yet.
(via farrensquare)
Yeah. This is what I’ve been trying to say. Only possibly more eloquently.

"Feminism is the struggle to end sexist oppression. Its aim is not to benefit solely any specific..."

Thu, 14 Mar 2013 10:57:00 -0400

“Feminism is the struggle to end sexist oppression. Its aim is not to benefit solely any specific group of women, any particular race or class of women. It does not privilege women over men. It has the power to transform in a meaningful way all of our lives. Most importantly, feminism is neither a lifestyle nor a ready-made identity or role that one can step into.”

- Go read this whole piece.

The Feminist Griote » Allow me to reintroduce myself my name is FEMINISM.

TRIGGERING MUCH, FACEBOOK? What the fuck? You don’t know...

Thu, 14 Mar 2013 09:56:05 -0400

TRIGGERING MUCH, FACEBOOK? What the fuck?

You don’t know me at all do you, Facebook?

Bikini Kill - REBEL GIRL Maude, I love Kathleen Hanna.

Wed, 13 Mar 2013 14:05:09 -0400

Bikini Kill - REBEL GIRL

Maude, I love Kathleen Hanna.